It’s been 4 long years my brother since you left us. Life was so hard and so painful for you that you felt it was easier to take your own life. I think about you every single day. I have shed more tears than I care to admit and have cried myself to sleep many nights. I am in a new life now and so happy, but that happiness is so tinged with sadness because I just miss you so much. I try and remember all the good things and try not to think about all the stuff that only you and I endured as kids – no one would understand as much as we understood each other. My friends have come to know you as if you still are with us . I tell them stories all the time of things you did and how you made us laugh. I still remember you spraying that fish with Aerogard and took it to school for show and tell. I loved your sense of humour , your smile, your laughter. I liked how you were not afraid to break the boundaries. I loved how kids just seemed to open up to you. I miss our dinners , when you and I would sit around and be a family , laugh and eat together, Being part of a family was important to you , even though I think our view of what a family was supposed to be was only played out in fairy tales. You were the best brother , yes we had our differences but at the end of the day we would fight for each other. You were the bestest Uncle to my kids and they miss you so much.You have more nieces now , and your great nieces are told about you all the time. I only have to see a monkey , or hear a song you liked or even a movie that we watched as kids and I think of you, When we are at a beach I think of the fun we had as kids. Mate I miss you so much , I really wish you could’ve come to me and talked to me , or even that I could’ve seen the pain you were in. The guilt I feel when I was so close to you but so distant from you at the same time. Life gets a bit hard for me at times and now I have loving supportive people around me can I probably in a way be open with my grieving. My dear Ralphy , I will always love you and never forget you.